As you see I was a wired kid with weird thoughts. But for me that weirdness was a blessing. Coz, my curiosity finally gave me the best!
One more observation was there. That was when I am learning the Buddhism as a subject in Dhamma school as a kid, I used to study about the four noble truths, cause & effect theory and the rest which comes as Buddhism.
The day I learned about four noble truth I questioned my teacher “I know this now… I understand this now… but why I am not enlightened yet according to this teaching?”
Teacher first told me no it’s not what that means. That is lot deeper than it says. You need to learn more. Again confusions.
Because according to the teaching there was nothing much to learn. Birth, decay, death and all the phenomena explain in that teaching was so clear and known to me. And we are learning as Buddhists too. Then why the results are not there? I asked my best friend. Then the answer was keep questioning… keep searching… keep the desire of having the answer going on…
I did and I even stopped going to the Dhamma school because I wasn’t happy with the behavior of my head master of the Dhamma school. As a kid, I observed his way of speaking and other behaviors are in appropriate for a school which teach Dhamma. ha ha… so wired isn’t it… then I told him that and eventually I felt that I don’t want to go there again and better to waste time by watching TV than it.
And guess what, my best friend agreed with me again!
The four-noble truth, the cause & effect and all the other theories we learn as Buddhism cannot be Buddhism. That’s how I felt. Because most of the Buddhists know them yet doesn’t know them at all. So, I felt that there is something I’ll have to explore. But before that I need to find out answers to my boredom and my emptiness and confused world etc…
Then the list grew up with the time… it became a question paper of course…, which I wanted answers… So, those questions driven me to the answers… Because of that I didn’t have to force myself to anything… because of that I didn’t have to accept or believe in anything or anyone… because of that no one can buy me or attract me with anything promising… coz only way to please me is to give the solution… answers to my questions… nothing else… So, this is so simple as that!
I didn’t believe if someone say meditation is the answer… I didn’t believe if someone say Buddhism or any other religion is the answer… I didn’t believe if someone say this teacher is the best… I didn’t believe anyone or anything which promised me the happiness… I didn’t believe or accept anything at all unless I realize that I found my answers without just believing or accepting something as a fact.
I am in love with Jesus… and I am in love with all the Hindu gods. And I even felt that Allah is with me too. 99% of my friends were and still are non-Buddhists. So, I got time to explore all those religions and my best friend supported me to the max.
The realization… that doesn’t have boundaries… that doesn’t require a certain kind of a team or one teacher or books… that’s the freedom… that in fact the freedom I experienced through this beautiful teaching.
But look at these days… most of the people who call they are in search of truth specially through Buddhism are bounded with many many views, believes, data, knowledge etc…etc… So, please don’t let yourself to be among them. Don’t mislead your beautiful life. Just be wise and stick to yourself until you find out what yourself really is!