Becoming a mother?

I observe my grandparents they raise their kids and then me as their grand kid… they didn’t have time to look at their own self… I actually didn’t want that life for me.  More over my observation confused me with what’s the best to have in this life!  Coz I couldn’t find anything meaningful in this process.

Everyone was saying being a mother is the best thing happen to a woman life.  As a kid who had 13 to 15 dolls to play somedays I used to play the mothers role.  But it was again so boring.  And every time I play that, my grandmother’s life came to mind.  As well as my mother’s life.  Coz she was a single mother and had to go through a lot to raise me. 

So, at about age 10 I made a one strong decision no matter what happen in my life that I won’t become a mother to my own kid.  I simply didn’t want to produce kids.   And I even stopped playing the role of mother to my dolls. 

I was in a village and the atmosphere most of the time were so dramatic.   Then I observe adults are insulting the women who doesn’t have fathers to their babies.  There was no respect for them at all.   They were calling them bad women. 

And at the same time, they put married woman who were expecting babies in to a so high position and poured with blessings & respects.  As a kid, I was bit confused.  Then I question the difference of having a baby being married & being not married.  Then I wasn’t answered and my mind was seeking for the answer. 

When in school I got to know how the babies are produced, the health science.  There were few reaction in my mind as soon as I knew the subject. 

A bit of disgust towards all the adults including my parents.  And I couldn’t stop imagining how the people I respect and have babies had gone through the same process.  It was like they become from hero to zero through my mind. 

Next thing come to my mind was if the process is same and if being a mother is so noble why the process always has to have the marriage.  I mean come on… if being a mother is so noble no matter what the circumstances are it should be noble right?  But that wasn’t the way people believe.  Then I realized all these standards are just illusions made by people whom wanted to enjoy their lives according to their perceptions. 

So, as a kid I had these kinds of questions with me… which I wanted some proper answers over my conclusions.  Because every time I give such answers my best friend, Samma Sambuddha kind of agreeing with me. 

The blessed one kind of telling me that whether you married or not married having sex is not the best thing to have in life.  I was confused how shamelessly people praise marriage or having kid after marriage specially when they call them they are Buddhists. 

Even I heard of monks & nuns telling the same thing.  Even the 3rd precept got changed to have a better married life and using the deep meaning precept only in the poya days.  I was really confused and badly needed some proper answers for my confusion. 

And again, I was scared of going through the same useless process of marriage and the rest.  I was bit afraid of not being able to ignore the fact that I had to go through it whether I like or not.  Life was with such circumstances.  And then I completely hand over the situation to my best friend and ask him to save me with the problem.  And I am happy the situation handle so well and I found my second-best friend who think mostly like me. 

So, you see, there is nothing call noble sex.  It’s just another activity of ignoring the boredom of repetition and for a change people have kids.   One after another… it’s good in a way as they are giving a chance to another begin to come to this world. 

So, my conclusion doesn’t make to disrespect anyone.  Even the shocking truth hidden with the adults didn’t make me to disrespect them.  It was an observation which guide me to the perfect answer!

As you see I was a wired kid with weird thoughts.