Newly wedded bride
December 2020 edition
Do you also see faults in others? Do you also say bad things about others? Do you also observe the worst or bad in others? Can’t you see any good in others? No matter what the relationship is nowadays many see other’s faults. They criticize for who they are… criticize everything others do or say… this brings many troubles to your life. So, let’s find out a Great Samma Sambuddha’s advice on how to overcome this bad quality of ours and become a real person with integrity.
Once Samma Sambuddha brought this simile to explain how we can train our selves to become a person with integrity.
“It’s like a bride on the day or night she’s first brought to her husband’s home. Right away she sets up a keen sense of conscience and prudence for her mother and father in law, her husband, and even the bondservants, workers, and staff. But after some time, because of living together and familiarity, she’ll even say to her mother and father in law, or to her husband: ‘Go away! What would you know?’
In the same way, on the day or night a person first goes forth from the lay life to monkhood, right away they set up a keen sense of conscience and prudence for the monks, nuns, laymen, and laywomen, and even the monastery workers and novices. But after some time, because of living together and familiarity, they’ll even say to their teacher or mentor: ‘Go away! What would you know?’
So, you should train like this: ‘We will live with hearts like that of a newly wedded bride.’ That’s how you should train.”
You got this right?
The newly wedded bride – There is a first time for all of us. Whether it is our school or workplace or a party or anywhere… imagine being there for the first time. Our heart is filled with little nervousness, shyness and carefulness… right? We want to make things happen rightly. That’s the feeling comes for the first time. This is so badly happening when you married for the first time. As a newly wedded bride you have to deal with your new husband (no matter how well you being with him before marriage), parents of the husband and other relatives, etc…
We being carful of our words & actions. We want to make things right. We don’t want to mess with the relationship which we are newly building. So, there is this awareness of what we say and how we behave. The heart & mind is fully focus on building a nice & steady relationship.
But then, what happen? After a sometimes we familiarize with the surrounding and the people around. Then we start to play the role of a bossy character. The respect is gone… the love & caring is gone… no manners in the word or actions.
So, do you think this is what should happen? How do we expect others to respect or say good things to us when we behave such a wicked person? Check with your self. Do you familiarize with the person or the situation and become the one who don’t care about anything or anyone or what others feels or think?
If so, let’s change back to the first time. Let’s become a newly wedded bride for every relationship. Whether it is the relationship of a parents & kids, husband & wife, with in-laws or other relatives, bhikkhu or lay beings… teachers & students… or even with the politicians or other popular beings whom you never met in personally but criticize as you are well known to them.
No matter what the relationship is just try to be the “newly wedded bride” to all of those relationships, and see how things goes right & well.
Read the full sutta in Pali canon; Sutta Pitaka > Anguttara Nikaya (AN) > Chatukka Nipatha > Duthiya Pannasaka > Apannaka Wagga > 3rd Sutta – Asappurisa Waduka Sutta - A Good Person